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Expect the Unexpected When You're Expecting

Guys and ghouls. Ladies and ladles. Gentlemen and germs. Peoples and steeples.
I'm more than halfway through this pregnancy with my second kiddo and it's time we had a frank chat about the reality of being a sacred vessel. Let me spill the beans to you about how this pregnancy has been different from the previous one, what's been easier, what's been harder, what's shocked me, and what's old news. Will I hold back delicious, lurid details? Absolutely not. You know me better than that. First of all, pregnancy is normal and pregnant folks should not be treated like untouchables leaking primordial ooze (whether or not we are...leaking primordial ooze...) Secondly, we still don't talk about this stuff as openly as we should because female bodies and sexuality are both still taboo, unfortunately. Lastly, I'll discuss why Phil and I are done having kids. Are our reasons what you think? You might be surprised.

Truth (sort of): Every Pregnancy is Different 

For some, each pregnancy is totally unrecognisable compared to their others. For me, things have been pretty much the same, but way more intense across the board. My earliest symptoms were the same: I had cramping during implantation, my boobs seemed to triple in size overnight, and my sense of smell reached bloodhound proportions. But this time, the implantation cramping was so painful that it kept me up during the night it took place, I had to put away all of my usual bras as I couldn't even muddle through wearing them for another day, and if anyone at home had been cooking, they may as well have been cooking in every room of the house. Other symptoms that have been much more intense this time include vivid dreams, fatigue, and morning sickness.

Holy canoli, the morning sickness. The first time around, I was queasy and tired pretty consistently from week 6-9. But this time, I was relentlessly nauseated from weeks 6-11 and the only way to keep it from tipping me over the edge into vomiting was by eating constantly. Even brushing my teeth activated my gag reflex. Taking all of my pregnancy-related food aversions into consideration (also the same as last time, cooked veggies and anything with any sort of grease/oil) this left me cuddling a loaf of bread for over a month. Somehow I managed to go through my entire first trimester without missing a single day of work. Did gore, infection, bodily fluids, and blood-curdling emergencies make me sick? No, I'm a nurse. But get those grilled onions away from me before I flip out.

Now, something well and truly weird: I've also developed an aversion to certain colours and even objects. For whatever reason, pinks, beiges, and other pale and dusty colours that lean warm make me feel nauseated! I'm usually such a lover of pink, especially dusty rose, so this is just outrageously dissonant in my mind. All of my pink and cream clothes have had to be put away because I can't stand the sight of them. This includes my life-saving pregnancy body pillow. I'm going to have to get a black cover for it or something because sleeping is getting more and more difficult. My theory about why I'm experiencing this: I was wearing a lot of pink and using the body pillow a lot during my first trimester, when morning sickness was in full swing. I must have developed a powerful negative association. Who know? Hormones are powerful little buggers.

Thankfully, most of my food and colour aversions went away with the morning sickness. What my necessary love affair with bread left with me once the first trimester fog of misery cleared though was excessive weight gain. Because the morning sickness was so much worse this time, I had to eat a lot more to control it. And because I was so desperately tired, I did very little exercise. Needs must. The first trimester is all about survival. But this put me in a tricky spot when facing down the rest of my pregnancy. Gestational diabetes? Enormous baby? Blood clots? No thanks. Now that I'm riding the crest of the feel-good second trimester wave, I've been able to be much more active and more selective with what I eat. However, this leads us into the next symptom (ish) that's worse this time: Symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD.)

Included in the plethora of weird and wonderful things that happen inside the body during pregnancy is a generous wash of the hormone relaxin. Yes, that's what it's really called, and yes, it does exactly what it says on the tin. It turns you into a rag doll to open things up - particularly the pelvis - and enable the wee one to enter the word safely. This is great. However, it increases the risk of injury, overstretching, and can lead to SPD, which is excessive movement of the pubic symphysis - the frontmost joint in the pelvis. It hurts like hell and can seriously affect mobility. During my last pregnancy, I had it a little, but only toward the very end of the third trimester and it was mild. This time, I started getting twinges around week 16. Now, I'm in such bad pain and limping so badly that I've had to be signed off work. I can barely sleep because I can't get comfortable, and I'm in tears by the time I finish my commute and reach the hospital. It feels like I've been kicked in the crotch and like someone is trying to tear off my left leg. Here's hoping that physiotherapy, osteopathy, and hydrotherapy do the trick.

Truth: There's a Whole Lot of Good

On the flip side, all of the positive symptoms have also been magnified. For instance, my hair and nails look unreal. They are strong, thick, shiny, and growing like the wind blows. Seriously, my bare nails look like well-done acrylics. I had my hair cut about a month ago and it has already surpassed the length that it was before the chop. And when I cut my nails, they are long enough to file into whatever glam shape I fancy within a week without peeling, flaking, or breaking. Along the same vein, my skin is looking close to perfect. I had a few small break-outs during the first trimester, but that went the way of the morning sickness and now I've been left with that famous Pregnancy Glow. I don't even want to wear much makeup because I cannot waste my complexion right now. I may be hobbling around like an old lady, but I look good doing it.

When is she going to talk about sex!? I hear you scoff to yourself in frustration. Hold your hormones, because I'm getting to that now. Contrary to popular belief, having kids does not turn people into sexually irrelevant squares void of all joy and personal identity. Believe it or not, I still enjoy things and go out and have sex! Phil and I have been together for 9 years and our sex life is livelier than many couples who have been together for a fraction of that time. This includes during pregnancy. In fact - and you may not know this - but sex during pregnancy is incredible. The surge of hormones elevates the libido to adolescent levels of madness. Add that to the exponentially increased sensitivity caused by massive blood volume, ample amounts of natural lubrication (yes), and you're in for a treat. It can get a little silly as the belly grows, but this just means that you are forced to experiment with different positions (what a terrible chore, right?) The SPD definitely has thrown a wrench into the works, so to speak, but, again, positioning is everything.

And no: Sex does NOT hurt the baby! Baby is well fortified in the womb castle. More than that, sex is actually beneficial for baby because orgasm provides waves of nutrient and oxygen rich blood to the placenta. Later on in pregnancy when baby is fully cooked, sex can be an awesome way to encourage labour. Orgasm causes the uterus to contract, and semen contains prostaglandins that help soften the cervix. Win-win-win.

How I am Feeling Now & Why the Baby Factory is Closing

Overall, I'm feeling well. Baby is healthy and so am I, aside from the SPD. I'm so lucky to be fertile and able to carry healthy babies to term. And now, it'll be time to close the childbearing chapter of my life. Phil and I got married young and had our first kid very young, at least by Millennial standards. Phil was 24 and I was 25 when we happily became parents. As such, it's always been our plan to take advantage of starting young by finishing young. Our family will be complete by the time most of our peers are just beginning to consider whether or not they want children. Life happens, but if all goes well, we will still be young, fit, and energetic by the time our kids have grown up. We will travel and enjoy our family and each other for as long as we possibly can. This has been the right decision for us and I'm so glad we took the leap of faith in our early 20s.

Now! What's next? Short-term goals. I've got a few months left and need to start putting my birth plan together, which I will outline in another post.





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